* disclaimer this is not my usual Happy blog.. do u can choose not to read this cause i juz wanted to type out wat i have been feeling for a while.. or maybe like 2 plus years.. if i dun do something my brain will possibly explode
OK .. now where to start .. maybe the latest thing .. recently there are a lot of viral videos kinda like being shared on my facebook wall.. then everyone comments are like LOST HOPE IN HUMANITY... HOW PEOPLE CAN BE SO CRUEL....i mean i understand that is is not a right thing to just watch .. BUT i feel really affected when ppl say that how can others do this.. i mean lets say if you were in the same situation (maybe not serious like e.g. some minor fights) WOULD YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING??.. I can vouch for me that i SURELY would do something even though i may be afraid cause i know whats right (cause it is not like i have not stop ppl fights before) ... BUT WHAT REALLY BOTHER ME IS THAT THOSE PPL WHO SAY THAT THEY WILL DO SOMETHING MAY BECOME SO AFRAID WHEN THEY ARE REALLY IN THE SITUATION.... i mean i dunno but i mean look around us ... it is called the "by- stander" effect.. it has even be examined on in the U.S... everyone thought someone will do something so they juz stand and watch... i mean if u can complain and say it then u should have the COURAGE to do so ... i have seem to much people JUZ KNOW HOW TO SAY but they DUN DO IT... so much for the big talk huh... the BLAME game...
Another thing ...ummm.. ok the GD thingy.... I am not so much writing on SUPPORTING HIM or anything... i mean i still ♥ him and think he is like super awesome cause songs are like so hard to produce (believe me i tried >.< ) and the smoking weed dun really have a big impact on me... WHAT AFFECT ME IS THE FANS REACTION TO IT.... i am not sure if it is because i am like somewhat more american-ize ( which confuse me cause i am like in a very Chinese home environment).. I think that a bit of taking drugs is fine as long as you know is wrong and will try to change it... NOT THAT I THINK IT IS RIGHT TO DO DRUGS...i mean ppl make their own decisions right... a wrong decision once in a while can be forgiven right??.... what is the BIG DEAL???... on another thoughts in reality about 7 in 10 ppl do drugs in like american countries and actually most good production are produce by people who do drugs and alcohol!!.. I am not implying that GD should do drug i think he shld not do it ... but i am like stating facts... I MEAN FANS EVEN COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM SMOKING!!!... i know it is not good but korean culture ppl do that .. similar to china... why do PPL put him up soo high that he is sooo perfect... comeon we dun really know him personally so why judge??
JUDGE... hmm another topic ... i dun judge people.. i mean i seriously dun...i dunno why also.. (cause some ppl dont believe)... maybe i feel that you have your own choices and unless they are bad choices i dun really question much cause i believe you have ur reasons.. i am so used to ppl judging me .. I GET IT ALOT!!! .. i am like the 'MODEL" for ppl to judge !!! ... my voice, what i wear, what i do .. juz because i think very differently so i can get judged??... LUCKY, i dun care about what ppl think about me HAH! ( huge confidence haha not BIG EGO AH)... but i think ppl shld judge lesser... i walk on the street also hear ppl gossiping on what the gril walk past juz wear.. >.< .. in sch especially relationship ... i mean if they are happy together than be together la.. why muz ppl say like stupid stuff... with half of your class hating you because based on what they judge you is like really bad.... i mean ppl come up to me and say " cheryl, he hate you cause he think u veri fake " then i say " ok , so what ?"... then they surprise caused i dun feel sad or something...if we all judge each other than we shld really rethink relationship between ppl cause it is like build up on assumptions... then ppl like me the "weird" ppl will always be like discriminated
HAIZ.. i feel better haha but i still a lot of things to say... maybe i juz say one last thing... UNIVERSITY PPL AND LIFE!!!.... i am very tired of ppl saying " cheryl wa u so independent" "i want to be like you , you can like do stuff alone"... IT IS NOT THAT I CHOOSE TO BE ALONE RITE!!!... i know many ppl have like groups that they can almost stay together cause they choose the same modules.. BECAUSE I AM DIFFERENT i have to do theater studies and lit by myself... i dun wan to study something i dun like just to stick with friends... MY BEST FRIEND IS MYSELF... i dunno how many times i have been to town to shop alone already.. not that i emo or no friends it is juz i dun wan to trouble them... one month i may go town up to 5 times... it will be like kinda bad to keep bothering ppl to go with me juz to get my stuff... yes i really do enjoy my alone time E.g. reading book and eating cake in a nice cafe... but sometimes i also need someone to be there for me right... do you even know i got so lost in sch one day juz because i need to find my classroom for nxt day lesson and it was like 8 plus and was so dark.. i kept waiting for the bus but it nvr came... all i can see are ppl that like walk past me in groups laughing... i was really upset and went home to cry ... but who really cares.. ppl only tink about themselves..thinking it is alright to juz leave me alone cause i can be INDEPENDENT!!!...and also that time about the group project.... they like told me 30 mins before the meeting time that they cancel the project.. and i was already alone in sch for 4 hours then they cancel so i have to be alone for another 2 hours ... so 6 hours alone!!.. i mean if you wan to cancel u shld have said so earlier rite.. i shld have when home and slp...JUZ BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE A BIG GANG OF PPL it is ok for u to cancel cause at least u guys are still together as a gang BUT I AM ONE PERSON... I AM ALONE... i really dunno wat to do anyone!!
i think i shld stop typing cause im afraid i will like go emo.. i dun really feel like ending it with xoxo and hugs and kisses like i usually do...i dun usually type mt personal feelings but if u managed to read until here thanks a lot.. haha hope it wasnt to boring.. and maybe u are my great friends if so i ♥ you.. but my mind and whole world is always soo messed up..I AM ALWAYS WRONG BECAUSE OTHER PPL ARE RIGHT.. i really hope i can find someone as "weird" as me so maybe they can understand and relate to my feelings cause i thin k up to know unless i choose to expose myself to you..most ppl will onli know the "side" of me that i choose to show
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